Doing It My Way: Rejecting the "Standard Specification"
- Rose Ung
- Mar 7
- 3 min read
"And now, the end is near, And so I face the final curtain..."
We all know the song. It’s the karaoke anthem of the century: Frank Sinatra’s My Way.
When we hear it, it often sounds like arrogance. You picture someone belting it out, boasting that they didn't need anyone's help. But when I read the lyrics closely, I realized it isn't a song about arrogance at all. It is a song about ownership.
In Episode 21 of the Quiet Leadership Lab, we are talking about what it actually takes to walk the lonely road, make the hard choices, and truly sing, I did it my way.
The "Standard Specification" of Life
In my job as a Project Director, infrastructure projects come with what we call a "standard specification." It is the baseline document we send out to tender so contractors know exactly what is expected of them before they build.
Society hands us a standard specification for our lives, too. For many, it’s the expectation to climb the corporate ladder, get a massive mortgage for a luxury SUV, and keep up with the Joneses.
But for me, as a Vietnamese Christian woman growing up in Western Sydney, the specification looked a little different. In my community, the expected blueprint is clear: go to university, get a good degree, marry a good man, settle down, and prioritize your children above all else. You are expected to step back from your career, work part-time or not at all, and devote your extra time to serving the church, opening your home, and supporting others. Ambition is often viewed as "worldly," and higher-paying roles are seen as an unnecessary distraction from family and faith.
If you follow that specification, you are safe. No one will criticize you. You will fit in perfectly.
But if you follow it just to fit in, you will never be able to sing, I did it my way. You will only be able to sing, I did it the standard way.
The Cost of the Road Less Traveled
Deviating from the norm makes the people around you uncomfortable. There is a deep, emotional cost to doing things your own way.
For me, that deviation meant being one of the few working moms in my circle with a high-stress, high-pressure job. My kids went to childcare very early. In fact, with my second child, I went back to work full-time when he was just four months old.
People were concerned. The whispers and questions started: "Don't put your kids in childcare so young, it's not healthy." "Look at you, you're exhausted—is the pain really worth your sanity?" While other moms around me took part-time roles or stepped back to manage home duties, I pushed on. I was stressed, yes. But I loved my work. I loved building community infrastructure, shaping major policies, and working with people who showed me how big the world really is outside my own little pond. I wouldn't have traded it to be a full-time stay-at-home mom.
People were confused. It forced me to constantly defend my choices. But eventually, they understood that this is simply who I am. I had chosen this path for my own sanity and fulfillment.
The Words of One Who Kneels
There is a line in Sinatra's song that strikes a chord with quiet leaders:
"To say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels."
The "words of one who kneels" is people-pleasing. It’s what Kevin DeYoung calls one of the "Killer P's" of busyness. When we follow the crowd—even a well-meaning community crowd—because we are terrified of their judgment, we are kneeling. We are bowing down to external expectations instead of standing tall in our own purpose.
Taking the road less traveled can be lonely. When you start setting boundaries and defining your own financial and personal freedom, people will whisper. You have to accept that you might be misunderstood.
But there is a profound liberation in accepting that misunderstanding, knowing that your path aligns with your true "Life Brief."
The Quiet Challenge
I am still figuring out exactly what "my way" looks like. But I know I am no longer blindly following the standard specification.
This week, look at the path you are on right now.
Identify the Blueprint: Are you following a standard specification handed to you by your community, your family, or society?
Check the Fear: Are you afraid of being judged if you deviate from it?
Draft Your Way: If you aren't walking a path that aligns with your own purpose, what is one step you can take today to rewrite the brief?
Remember, success doesn't have to be loud—but it does have to be yours.
Rose Ung is a project director and business consultant helping introverts master leadership, wealth, and family—quietly and on their own terms. Catch the full discussion on the Quiet Leadership Lab podcast.
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