Facing 100 rejections

How 100 Rejections Forged My Quiet Leadership Path

Hi friends,

At the Quiet Leadership Lab, we explore what leadership truly looks like for people like us, those who lead with care, create space, and build trust. Today, I want to share a personal chapter of my journey to embracing rejection.

Years ago, when I first listened to Jia Jiang's TED Talk, it struck me as incredibly unconventional. I admit, I initially thought he was quite audacious to put himself up for rejection. Like a masochist, he went back for pain, manufacturing situations to force himself and others into uncomfortable positions.

Unsettled in a season of life  

Then, in 2020, during my annual goal setting date, I had a stark realisation: I was in a rut. I was completely lost. I hardly recognised myself.

Why?

I was too comfortable. I was in the new motherhood season. I was a new mum of two young boys, Charlie and Oscar, a stable job, average income and doing good work for amazing people with purpose.

The season of motherhood

The season was filled with diapers, sleep deprivation, feeds, and brain fog. I had a wonderfully supportive family; my mother-in-law looked after the children so I could work. My boss and team were purpose-driven, and I couldn't have asked for more flexibility, understanding, and opportunities.

But I felt stuck. I hated myself for not appreciating all the wonderful things that I had during that season of my life. On paper, I had everything a woman could want for that season: a stable job, a loving family, good children, a house and great work. At that time I was working in government with an amazing boss and doing incredible things, leading a team, slowly changing an organization.

What was wrong?

Deep down, I felt unsettled. I was too comfortable, and frankly, everyone else around me was too comfortable. The system itself is built to maintain that comfort, and people are drawn to it because they want to stay within their comfort zone.

It is not a bad thing; it just was not me.

I needed an out because I did not like the person I was becoming. It is deeply personal.

I feared what comfort was doing to me. I feared what it meant for my future, my drive, my passions, and how it was changing who I was.

Challenging comfort

That day, I stared at myself in the mirror for too long. I was lost in my thoughts, remembering the conversations from that week but not remembering what I did that month that was meaningful to me.

Me in 2020, loving being a mother but lost

Around this time, I had just finished reading Simon Sinek's book, "Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". There is a powerful concept of starting with why. The 'Why' is the fundamental reason you get out of bed in the morning, the driving force behind your actions and decisions. It is not about profit or products, but about the deeper impact and contribution you aim to make.

Simon Sinek 'Start with Why'

And I realized I did not have a 'Why,' and I was lost. I was caught up in this season of life, raising my children and surviving. I hated my fear of the future and, even more, that I did not have a purpose. I hated the fact that I was lost.

So I wanted change. To face the fear head on, by embracing rejections.

I set quite ambitious goals that I did not believe I could achieve. And I rewatched Jia Jiang's Ted talk. To steel my resolve to become a stronger version of myself, I set out my goal to get 100 rejections. It was not 100 days of rejections; it was to receive 100 major rejections.

Planning for rejections

My goal was to change my life, so my rejections had to be from sources that could actually enable change. These rejections had to be aligned with my short and long term goals, so that on the off chance I did not get a rejection, I could seriously consider it.

I wanted to find rejections in all areas of my life:

1. Where I lived

2. Where I worked

3. Leisure and hobbies

4. Relationships and network

   
   

My journey began with finding a new job and, in my mind, moving to a new city, starting afresh. I started looking at opportunities in Singapore, London and Melbourne. I explored where I could move and the work I could do. I could not just up and move without income! We had mortgages, investments and family commitments to consider.

I applied for jobs overseas, registered with recruitment companies and meticulously researched working visas. Everywhere I turned, I was rejected. Recruiters made it clear that local talent was prioritised, visas and sponsorship were incredibly difficult to obtain, and multinational companies were prioritising their own staff for lateral movements. Covid and the global economic downturn played a huge part, but also, my limited international experience, my age and personal commitments.

Rejection stings, there is no denying that. But when truly faced with it, how you feel about the rejection shows you what you really want.

After the initial embarrassment and sting of facing those job rejections head on, there was a silent sigh of relief. It grew louder each time, echoing that I was simply not ready for such a big move—one that would force me to reevaluate all my current commitments.

Lessons from embracing rejections

These rejections, surprisingly, narrowed down my focus and forced me to take each step at a time. My time horizon for my goals became more flexible, my short term goals more agile.

It does not negate my long term goals; it simply helped to refine them, for me to negotiate my current situation, my plan, and my commitments to the people I care most about.

Here is the thing: I have been on quite a few leadership training and mentoring courses and arrangements. But facing and embracing rejections, truly controlling my emotions and responses to them, has become an invaluable tool to hone my leadership style.

Experiencing rejections, especially the sting and emotional insecurities that come with it, has built my empathy and improved my relationships with others. It has shown me that Quiet Leadership is not about avoiding the tough stuff, but about navigating it with self-awareness and genuine connection.

Your Invitation from The Quiet Leadership Lab

This journey taught me that true strength lies not in avoiding discomfort, but in understanding your 'Why' and courageously leaning into it, even through rejections.

I am collecting stories for this project that explores these very themes of quiet leadership and navigating your path with purpose. If this resonated with you, I would love to hear your experience.

Tell me:

• When have you embraced discomfort and what did you learn?

• How has defining (or redefining) your 'Why' impacted your leadership or career?

• What is one 'rejection' that unexpectedly led you to a clearer path?

Share your thoughts in the comments below, or feel free to DM me. Your story might just be the one someone else needs to hear.

With gratitude,

Rose Ung Founder, The Quiet Leadership Lab