What If They Say No?

Writing a Book When You Fear Rejection (or Just Don't Care Enough)

Hi friends,

Today, I want to share something deeply personal that I have been reflecting on. It is something that has come up a lot in recent years and perhaps a common experience for many of us. It manifests in different forms, under different names and connotations.

It is a topic that many of us navigate, often silently, and one that has shaped much of my journey, particularly in leadership: Rejection.

For a long time, the idea of rejection was a significant source of anxiety for me. The fear of not being good enough, of making mistakes, of my ideas being dismissed – and that persistent inner voice telling me I am simply not good enough.

I have never really enjoyed being the centre of attention because it brings with it the vulnerability of putting yourself out there and the perceived threat of judgement. My inner voice often says that there are others who have more to offer, who present better, and who know more. It magnifies and spotlights my perceived flaws and insecurities.

The other hard truth is that this quietness is also my preference. My personality and my comfort zone actively encourage this fear of rejection. I stay quiet because I want to, and I am comfortable with my quietness. So, I often oscillate between fear and apathy.

Let me explain.

Fear of rejection tells me that I should not volunteer to lead a presentation. But then, apathy, or perhaps a strong desire to stay within my comfort zone, tells me I do not want to do it anyway. The result? I do not do it. And then, my inner voice chimes in, "See? You did not take that opportunity to show others you can lead. You are not a leader."

My work and resilience have conditioned me to speak up and lead when I need to, but my preference is to listen. This cycle can be incredibly limiting, especially when you have something to share, something you truly believe in, like a book.

But what if we could reframe rejection? What if it was not a dead end, but a redirection?

This past year, I embarked on a journey of "100 days of rejection." It is a concept I first encountered from Jia Jiang, who has inspired many with his own experiences. It was not about seeking out rejection for its own sake, but rather about intentionally putting myself in situations where rejection was possible, even probable.

This past year, I embarked on a journey of "100 days of rejection." It is a concept I first encountered from Jia Jiang, who has inspired many with his own experiences. It was not about seeking out rejection for its own sake, but rather about intentionally putting myself in situations where rejection was possible, even probable.

(If you are interested in the Ted talk, you can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg9gAPaFCQ)

Its all about your perspective

This exercise has been incredibly liberating. It has taught me the immense value of trying, of asking, of daring to step outside my comfort zone, regardless of the outcome. It is about realising that "no" is not a reflection of your worth, but simply an answer in a specific context.

It forced me to make an effort to challenge my comfort zone, because I actually do enjoy interacting with others. Sure, my social battery gets drained, but it is okay, I have ways to recharge. It is about understanding yourself, and how to create ways and frameworks to help yourself.

In leadership, this shift in perspective has been transformative. Quiet Leadership Lab is about finding your authentic voice and leading with empathy and curiosity. It is about embracing vulnerability and understanding that true leadership is not about being infallible, but about being human and connecting with others on a deeper level.

One of the key lessons for me has been that leaders, especially those of us who might be more introverted or reflective, often carry the weight of expectation.

We are expected to be decisive, to have all the answers, to always be "on." But what I have learned is that true strength lies in our ability to be ourselves, to learn from every experience – including the rejections – and to continuously evolve.

As Jia Jiang beautifully puts it, "What I learned from 100 days of rejection? That the world does not owe me anything."

This profound understanding has freed me from the need for external validation and allowed me to focus on what truly matters: serving my community and clients with integrity and passion.

Every 'no' will help us redefine every 'yes'

The journey of embracing rejection is about understanding that every "no" helps us refine our "yes." It strengthens our resilience and clarifies our path. It is about recognising that leadership is not about avoiding discomfort, but about navigating it with grace and purpose.

On the other hand, this is also for those who are leading people who are different from them. To understand each other, to lead better, to encourage, mentor and build up diverse leadership.

Why does it matter?

In investments, we all know to diversify. It is common sense and logic. But in leadership and organisations, diversity – true diversity where everyone can speak up with honesty and integrity – can bring better views and clear the blind spots.

Who we are attracts who wants to be like us and who wants to work with us, both as employees and clients. As consultants, we become better equipped to understand our clients and provide improved service.

If you have ever held back because you feared rejection, please know, you are not alone. If you have ever felt like your 'softness' made you less of a leader—this space is for you.

We are redefining leadership, together.

What is The Quiet Leadership Lab?

The Quiet Leadership Lab is part book, part community, part research project. It is a space to explore what leadership really looks like—for people like us.

People who:

• Lead with care, not control.

• Create space, not noise.

• Build trust, not just influence.

This project is deeply personal. I grew up quiet, uncertain, always trying to be "good." I did not see people like me celebrated as leaders—especially not in Asian communities, and definitely not as women.

So I carried the fear that I had to be someone else to be seen. Now I know that my quietness was not a flaw. It was my leadership strength all along.

But it took years—and some painful lessons—for me to believe that. So I created this project to help others realise it sooner.

I am writing for the women and men who struggle to believe in themselves—who question whether they have the skills, experience, or aptitude to lead, even though they do.

I am writing for the team members who hold everyone together but never get the spotlight—who feel stuck in mediocrity while trying to balance society’s demands with their own ambition to change the status quo.

I am writing for the introverted professionals who lead with depth and clarity—not volume—whose voices are often drowned out by others, and who do not play office politics because they are too busy solving root problems.

I am writing this because we deserve better leadership stories. And because someone, somewhere, is waiting to see themselves in yours.

Why I am starting this when I am most afraid?

I am afraid of rejection.

I am afraid of making commitments I cannot keep.

I am afraid of burnout, especially while so much of my time is already devoted to doing great work for my clients and communities.

I am afraid of judgement, of mockery, and even of how this might impact how others see my leadership potential.

But I am still doing it.

Because this is more important to me than any of those fears. And because I have realised—there will never be a perfect time.

No moment when all the stars align and make it easy.

It is just like leadership.

We are conditioned to think leadership starts after we have "earned it"—when we are confident, qualified, charismatic. When others acknowledge that we are 'leadership material'.

But quiet leadership often starts in the shadows.

It starts with one brave act of showing up—while still afraid.

It starts with a whisper: What if I did this anyway?

And that is exactly what I am doing.

I am collecting stories for the project, and I would be honoured to include yours (with permission). Contact me, share with me your stories so that I can share it on this platform. Let us build a new kind of leadership library—one that finally includes us.

With gratitude,

Rose Ung

Founder, The Quiet Leadership Lab